Tokyo is one of the safest big cities in the world, and that's exactly why it's easy to relax a little too much. Here's how to meet new friends with confidence, from the first message to the first coffee.
The three rules for a first meet
Whoever you're meeting, from an app, a class or a language exchange, these three cover most of it.
Pick the place yourself. A café you know, near a station, with other people around. Tokyo has thousands of them, so there's never a reason to meet somewhere quiet. A few good ones.
Keep the first one short. An hour for coffee is perfect. If it goes well, you'll make a second plan. If it doesn't, you've lost nothing.
Get there and back on your own. Know your train home and keep an eye on the last train (usually around midnight). No need to accept a lift or a "let me walk you home".
Share the plan. Send a friend the person's name, a screenshot of their profile, the café and the time you'll be done. A quick "all good!" text halfway through is enough.
Green flags and red flags
Most people you meet are just looking for friends too. These help you spot the rare ones who aren't.
Good signs
Happy to meet at a café you choose
Asks normal questions about your life here
Fine with keeping the chat in the app for a while
Suggests daytime, short and simple plans
Takes a "maybe next week" without fuss
Walk away if they…
Push to move to LINE or WhatsApp straight away
Want the first meet at night, at a bar, or at their place
Get flirty or pushy when you said "friends"
Bring up money, investments or a "business chance"
Guilt-trip you for changing or cancelling plans
You never owe anyone a reason for leaving, cancelling or blocking. "Sorry, something came up" is a full sentence.
Good to know in Tokyo
Women-only train cars
Many lines run women-only carriages during the morning rush (and some later in the day). Look for the pink signs on the platform and the floor markings.
Kōban everywhere
The small police boxes near most stations are there for exactly this: lost, uneasy, or just need help. Walk in, even if your Japanese is basic.
Drinks culture
Nights out can run late and drinks can be strong. Watch your glass, pace yourself, and keep the late nights for people you already know.
Emergency numbers
110 for police, 119 for an ambulance or fire. Say "English, please" and stay on the line.
How to set up Buy Me a Matcha so it feels right
Only women. In "Who you see", pick Only women. You'll only see women, and only women will see you.
Your age range. Set the ages you're comfortable with. Nobody sees what you pick.
You meet at a café. Plans are built around a matcha in a public café, never somewhere private.
Block and report. Anyone who makes you uncomfortable can be blocked or reported straight from their profile or the chat.
Questions people ask
Is Tokyo safe for women meeting new people?
Tokyo is one of the safest big cities in the world. Simple habits make first meets feel easy: meet in a busy public place like a café, keep the first one short, and tell a friend where you are.
Is there a friend app in Tokyo where I only see women?
Yes. On Buy Me a Matcha you can choose Only women: you only see women, and only women see you. You can also set an age range.
What should I do if I feel uncomfortable on a first meet?
Leave. You never owe anyone a reason. In an emergency call 110 for police, and koban (police boxes) near most stations can help too.
New friends, on your terms
Buy Me a Matcha shows you people in Tokyo who speak English and also want new friends. You match, pick a café, and meet one-on-one over a matcha. Free, and not a dating app.
